There’s a universal truth often expressed as:
“As above, so below; as within, so without.”
This ancient law reminds us that what we experience in the outer world is a reflection of what’s happening inside us.
Yet, in Western culture, this wisdom is rarely taught or embraced. Instead, many of us chase change on the outside—fixing circumstances, relationships, or appearances—without realizing that true transformation starts within.
Why the Inside Must Change First
If you want your outer world to shift—your relationships, your health, your career—start by looking inward.
Our inner beliefs, feelings, and self-perceptions shape how we show up in life.
Changing what’s inside rewires how you interact with the world, and over time, the outside changes to match that new inner reality.
So, How Do You Change the Inside?
There are many paths: setting boundaries, forgiving others, cultivating mindfulness, and more.
But if I had to share the golden key I’ve found through years of coaching and personal growth — it’s self-love.
The Challenge With Outer-Focused Living
Most people walk through life focused on the outside:
- Worrying about what others will say.
- Trying to keep up with the Joneses.
- Feeling pressured to give their children what they never had.
Yet, many of these same people carry deep hurts underneath the surface.
I’ve met adults who had cars, gadgets, and financial comforts in their youth, but their parents never truly knew who they were.
A motivational speaker once said it well:
“You work your butt off at a job you don’t like to make money to impress people you don’t even like.”
That, my friends, is not self-love.
What Self-love Really Means
Self-love is about filling your own cup first.
It means choosing what’s good for your soul and body even if it means the house has a little less money.
It means standing your ground with your family — even if it’s uncomfortable — and developing deeper connections that money can’t buy.
It means setting boundaries in relationships, especially when someone treats you badly.
If a man mistreats a woman, she must not tolerate it out of fear of losing him.
Express dissatisfaction, set firm boundaries, and if he leaves, know it’s for the best — because you are worthy of respect and love, always.
The Wide Reach of Self-love
Self-love isn’t just about soft affirmations or bubble baths (though those can be part of it).
It’s about tangible actions that honour your wellbeing every day:
- Eating nutritious meals because your body deserves to thrive.
- Going to bed earlier instead of binge-watching Netflix until midnight — knowing your body needs rest to show up fully tomorrow.
- Saying “no” when something drains your energy.
- Taking time to reflect and nurture your mind and spirit.
Take five minutes daily to sit quietly and ask yourself:
What does self-love look like for me right now?
Let your mind wander without judgment and see what comes up.
What Does Self-love Look Like for You?
I’d love to hear your thoughts — what are some ways you practice self-love in your life?
Drop a comment below and share your insights.
Remember:
Self-love is the foundation for lasting change — inside and out.
When you love yourself fully, boundaries expand, healing happens, and your life transforms in ways you never imagined possible.
—
Lizette-Bodenstein
The Life Alchemist – Turning Trauma into Transformation